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Tale 2 No Balls!

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DB002. No Balls!
002
Tankōbon No. Dragon Ball 01 (01)
Tale No. DB002 (002)
Characters Son Goku, Bulma & Turtle.
Previous: DB001. Bloomers and the Monkey King Next: DB003. Sea Monkeys

SynopsisEdit

DB0201
Night falls and Bulma decides it's time for a break to rest. She pops out a Hoi-Poi House onto a level section of land, to Son Goku's disbelief. The house is complete with clap-on lights, a bedroom, a bathroom, a kitchen and even a tv which confuses Son Goku greatly. After realizing Son Goku smells terrible, she decides to give him a bath.

While washing Son Goku, it soon becomes apparant that his monkey-tail is real, to her alarm. Bulma has a bath next, to which Son Goku obliviously wanders in on and comments on her boobs, describing them as an 'extra butt'. She labels him a voyeur when he misidentifies his age as 14, because he isn't good at counting.

Bulma attempts to feed Son Goku, but he's more content with hunting down a wild wolf and a centipede to cook and eat, to Bulma's disgust. While getting ready for bed, Son Goku divulges about his past and Bulma deduces that he was abandoned by his parents as a baby for having a tail.

DB0203
The next morning, Son Goku decides to use Bulma's crotch as a pillow and is alarmed to discover she hasn't got male genitalia. She wakes up startled, misunderstanding his cries that she'd "lost her balls" as to mean her dragon balls, but she's relieved to see they're still on the side.

Meanwhile, a Turtle creeps closer to the Hoi-Poi House.






TranscriptionEdit

In her quest for the seven Dragon Balls that will grant her fondest wish, Bulma has enlisted the help of the strange creature named Son Goku...

GOKU- Hey, we only need four more balls, right?! That’s gonna be a snap!

BULMA- A “snap,” he says! I guess you wouldn’t know it, living your whole life in the armpit of the world... But there’s a lot of ground to cover out there!

GOKU- I’m starvin’.

BULMA- It’s getting dark, too. Let’s call it a night.

GOKU- I get the soft leaves for my bed!

BULMA- ...As if. Do you really think I am going to sleep outside?!

GOKU- What else? I don’t see no houses around here...

BULMA- Capsule time!

GOKU- No way! You’re not gonna pop a house outta those whatch-ama-callits!

BULMA- Please... They’re “Hoipoi Capsules.” That looks like a nice, level spot... Better clear out, Monkey-Boy! Hoi! Ah! How lovely! Well? Still lusting after those leaves? Clap on!

GOKU- Wak!! You are a witch! You turned night into day!!

BULMA- You don’t even know about lights? You have a long way to go, Tarzan... Watch this! Heh heh heh heh heh heh...

GOKU- Hey, get outta that box, you midget!

BULMA- Yurrgh... You’re stinking up the joint... You’re taking a bath before we eat!

GOKU- “Bath”? What’s a “bath”?

BULMA- EEEW. You’re kidding!!! Guess I gotta help you. C’mere!! Will you at least cover up?!!

GOKU- Wh-what’s that? It feels weird!

BULMA- Oh, shut up!! Do you know how many guys dream of me giving them a bath?! What a waste of my babe-itude... ...Okay, other side. Huh? What an idiot! You actually attached this stupid, phony tail to your butt?!

GOKU- What phony tail?

BULMA- Take it off! It’s in the way!

GOKU- Oww! Don’t pull!

BULMA- .....

GOKU- I can wash my own butt! How’m I doin’?

BULMA- Eeee-YAAA!!! Y-y-you r-r-really h-h-have a t-t-tail......!!!

GOKU- I din’ think you’d be surprised... ...Oh right! You don’t have one, huh? Guess it’s just guys.

BULMA- Guys have...? No, no, they can’t...! But... It’s not like I’ve really seen a guys naked butt before... I knew they had some-thing in front, but...

GOKU- But wait a minute... My dead grampa was a guy... But he didn’t...

BULMA- You see?! You see?! Normal guys don’t have tails!

GOKU- O’course, Grampa was kinda weird...

BULMA- You’re the one who’s weird!!!

GOKU- Oh well! Who cares?

BULMA- I take it back... “Weird” doesn’t even come close... Is he for real? He acts like I’m a witch or something... ...When he’s totally like something that jumped out of a horror m... Whadda you think you’re lookin’ at?!!!

GOKU- ...So instead of a tail, you’ve got an extra butt?

BULMA- It’s not a butt, you idiot!! They’re boobs!! An’ when you’re a little older, you’re gonna think mine are incredible!! Yeesh...! How old are you anyway, kid?

GOKU- How old am I? 14.

BULMA- Eee-yaa!! Eee-yaaa!! Voyeur! Perv--!! You’re only two years younger than me!!! Next time you pull that, I’m callin’ the cops!!

GOKU- I’m starvin’. This is food? This “bread” stuff is all soft and nasty! And this soup’s bitter...

BULMA- It’s coffee. Moron! Maybe if you’d ever learned how to eat you wouldn’t be such a shrimp!

GOKU- I’m gonna go get you some real food!

BULMA- Huh? What? You’re goin’ out?

GOKU- I’ll be right back! I’m ho-o-o-o-ome!!

BULMA- That was quick...

GOKU- I caught a wolf! An’ a centipede for flavor!

'BULMA- Eeee-yaaa-aaaa!!!!

GOKU- Are you sure you don’t want any?  I could cook yours medium!

BULMA- Shut up!! Don’t even make me think about it!!!

GOKU- Whoo! Well, off to dream-land!

BULMA- At least brush your teeth!!!

GOKU- Whee-heee! This “futon” thing is gonna be fun! And I haven’t slept with somebody f’r way too long!

BULMA- “Slept...with”...? You have got to be joking! Here’s your blanket... And here’s the floor.

GOKU- We’re sleepin’ apart?

BULMA- W’ll, duh! An’ if you try any-thing, you’re dead!

GOKU- But I always used Grampa as a pillow... It was so soft and comfy...

BULMA- You aren’t using me for a pillow, freak!! So it was just you and your grand-father, right? What happened to your parents?

GOKU- I dunno. I guess they abandoned me in the mountains when I was a baby. Then Grampa found me and decided to keep me! Heh heh heh heh...

BULMA- How can you laugh about that...? They probably abandoned you ‘cause you had a tail...

GOKU- Were you abandoned ‘cause you have a butt on your chest?

BULMA- I told you, it’s not a butt!!! And who says I was abandoned?!!! I just happen to be on Summer Vacation from school--and I’m taking advantage of it! I’ve only got another 30 days to find the rest of the Dragon Balls! I don’t have all year like you! ..... Rrrg...If you’re gonna ask questions, at least wait for the answers...!

GOKU- Nnh...? Wha...? Nnn-yaaaw...! Huh? Whoa! Well, her pillow’s not as big as Grampa... But I can sure give it a try! ? ...? Eeeeyaaaa!

BULMA- What?! What?! What happened?! Whatsa matter?!

GOKU- Y-y-y-you’ve... L-l-lost your ba-ba-ba-ba--

BULMA- What?!!! I’ve lost my Dragon Balls?! What the... ...They’re right here, idiot! --Geez you freaked me out! Stop having nightmares will you?!!

...And so Bulma sighs in relief, her greatest fear averted...But perhaps she shouldn’t relax quite yet...

TriviaEdit

  • This chapter is technically the first appearance of Turtle.

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